Report cards and grades
Most of us are concerned about our children’s grades but we don’t always know how to react when a grade or report card is disappointing. How do you react when your child’s grades are not as good as they could be? How do you react when the grades are wonderful? Some suggestions follow.
• Make sure you understand what the report says. Grades and reports can be confusing. If you do not understand what the report card says, contact the teacher with your questions. Try not to be defensive.
• Praise your child for the work behind good grades. Focus on effort and improvement rather than on the grade itself. Try saying, “You really worked hard. Your efforts really paid off.” Be sure to pay attention to hard work, not just to A’s and B’s.
• Celebrate and praise good grades, but avoid giving rewards like money or gifts. Research shows that giving rewards like money, toys, or other gifts are poor motivators over time. Material rewards for good grades provide a temporary incentive to achieve but are not useful in the long run. Your child’s own need to succeed is the best kind of motivation there is. On occasion, a small, unexpected reward may help to bring a child out of a slump.
• Try to look at poor grades not as a sign of failure but as a sign that your child may need help. Then problem-solve about how to get that help. Focus on the solution rather than the problem. If your child is old enough, involve him in finding solutions. Ask, “What do you think you could do to remember what you learn in class every day?” or “How can we help you do better in social studies?” Poor grades can be a sign that your child may need help getting organized, doing homework, or preparing for tests. Your child’s teachers may have ideas about how to help. Work with the teacher to do what’s best for your child.
• Never make negative or hurtful comments about grades to your child. Poor grades are painful for children. If you feel disappointed by a low grade or a disappointing report card, it’s important not to make comments that only make your child feel worse. Instead, try offering support. You might say, “It looks like you’re really having trouble with English. I know you can do better. Let’s talk with the teacher and see what we can do to make it easier for you so you can improve next term.”
“Celebrate all of your child’s successes—the good grade, the paper that was completed on time, the extra effort he or she put into an assignment. Don’t let these things go unnoticed.”
—Barney Brawer, school-success expert
• Don’t punish your child for poor grades. If your child is not measuring up to her abilities, you may want to set firm limits, focus on a homework schedule, talk to the teacher, or seek help from a tutor. Talk with your child and seek solutions together. You might ask, “How can we work together to help you understand fractions better?”
• Think about whether you are placing undue pressure on your child to achieve. Do you insist on all A’s and B’s? Do you insist that your child make the honor roll every term? Remember that grades are no guarantee of success or failure in life. Grades are only one measure of your child’s talents, achievements, and abilities.
• Build on your child’s strengths. Try to identify what your child does best, and give him opportunities to excel. For example, if your child
is outgoing and speaks well but has trouble reading or writing down his ideas, he might enjoy drama or debating club.
• Be alert to grades that may not be accurate. Encourage your child to speak to his teacher when he is puzzled by a grade. Be willing to help him look into the problem if necessary. Help him rehearse what he could say to his teacher without seeming defensive.
• Value all of your child’s achievements. Celebrate achievements in art, sports, music, and extracurricular activities.
• Accept grades for what they are—external measures of success that reflect school performance at a particular time. Encourage your child to do her best, but try not to place too much emphasis on grades.
Read next: Problem-solving and getting help |
